I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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