Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
