proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
