Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
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I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
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you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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