So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
