Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
