I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
