we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We left the knife in your bed.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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