I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
