i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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