??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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