Are we in a gay sports bar?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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