Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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