Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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