Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
