I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
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I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
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Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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