Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
