I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
