No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
