Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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