sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
