SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
