help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
