Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
