haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
