I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
