she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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