How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
then he tried to convert me to islam
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
