my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
