Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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