And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
