she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
