wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
