Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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