i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
