Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You smell like a Billy Joel song
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
