this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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