you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
