is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
