What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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