Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
