Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
