Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
