His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
