its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
