Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
