You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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