I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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