Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
