i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
