living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
