apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
