Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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