It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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