Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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