How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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