i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
