wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
