The maid of honor just puked.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
