don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize