The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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