Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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