can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
