i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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