Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
