When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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