Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
