the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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