it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
