im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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