I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
