you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
